I still remember the first time we slept in a bed together. It was actually the first time I’d ever spent the night with a boy and I was so excited just to be able to cuddle you all night and so nervous that I didn’t even sleep a wink. I thought you were sleeping so I tried not to move around too much. At 3:47am when I rolled over, I was met with your eyes - those gorgeous eyes - and that adorable smile of yours so I snuggled up close, kissed you and never wanted to stop; never wanted the night to end or float away. I have spent many nights with you since the First Night and still, nothing can compare to the feeling of your body wrapped around mine as we fall into a sleep without worry and full of hope, or as you search for me sleepily in the dark when somehow I have slipped from your grasp.
I love you, undeniably.
I never want the excitement of being with you to go away. I want you to always be excited and happy to see me. I want to always tell you that I love you and how much you mean to me and I want you to never get sick of it. I want to always be able to grab you and kiss you whenever the hell I feel like it. I want to always be appreciative of cuddles. I want to always be interested in your projects. I want you to always be proud enough of me, to tell world about me. I want to always be there for you even if you don’t think I’m capable of helping you. I want to always be the tape that holds you together and I want you to always be the rope that reels me back in.
I know people don’t always get what they want, but you wanted me and I wanted you so now we have each other and that’s proof enough for me that you can get anything you want, even if it takes some time and a whole lot of effort.
I love you because you kiss me whenever you get the impulse, not just when it’s expected. I love you because you make me feel alive, beautiful, accepted. I love you because of the way you hold me after we have an argument. I love you because you always ask me about whichever book I’m reading. I love you because you always answer my questions. I love you because your friends treat me like I have always been their friend. I love you because sometimes when we wake up from a nap, your arms are still squeezing me tight. I love you because you don’t weaken when I’m crying. I love you because you are dedicated - in all areas of your life. I love you because you remember the things I tell you. I love you because you always notice the little details. I love you because you show me in every possible way that you love me.
It’s just really nice to have the knowledge that even after more than two years of knowing each other, you still want me around, you still invite me over even though we’ve spent the last four days together and you know you have to drive me all the way home every time because I still don’t have my drivers license. Even after more than two years of spending time together, we still laugh lots, smile heaps, kiss each other all the time and want to spend every possible day together. I love it. I love us. I love you.
This is what I made my gorgeous boy for our two year anniversary. I know, I’m adorable =p
It’s been two years and three days since the last time I ever saw you. Two years ago today, you left this world and went to another (at least that’s what I force myself to believe) and I can’t believe how much I miss you, even more everyday. One year and 361 days ago, I watched as you were lowered into the deep, dark, hollow ground and I never in my life, felt worse than in that moment. I wish that you didn’t have to miss out on so much, so many lives. I wish for the people that are now in my life, to have known you then - they are truly missing out. You were and always will be an amazing person in my eyes.
I love you, ya big sillyhead.
Comfiest place on earth. ♥
It’s the little things like how my head fits perfectly in that space beneath your chin. Like the way I hear your heart beating when I lay atop your chest. Like the way you smile when you see me after you haven’t for a while. Like the way you say ‘I Love You’. Like the look you give me when you glance sideways and notice me gazing at you with so much love and adoration. Like the way you suddenly pull me close and squeeze me tight.
It’s the little things that are sometimes the big things.
I hope you know that even if what we have doesn’t last for both of our lifetimes, I will never be able to love anyone the same way that I love you, ever. You have just set the bar so extremely high for how boys and relationships and love should be that no one will ever compare.
I hope you never tire of hearing me say “I love you.” I know I tell you 100 times everyday but that’s only because I get this rush of feelings inside my heart whenever I look at you and feel you and touch you and kiss you and hold you and the only way I know how to let you know is to tell you I love you. Because I do. I love you with everything inside of me, from the very depths of my heart to the tips of my toes and I really don’t think these feelings will ever go away.
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