Texting sucks. Facebook chat is terrible. And Skype sucks, too. All of these devices made to keep in contact with loved ones just suck because nothing is as good as the real deal. After spending every single hour in each of the past 8 days with you, I can easily say that I want you by my side every day. I want to fall asleep with you every night. I want to open my eyes in the morning and see you laying there. I want to be able to kiss you whenever I feel like it. I’m not saying that making a life together will be easy but it will most definitely be one hundred percent worth every little damn thing.
I love you.
"You’re about as free to act as a programmed computer. You’re about as one-of-a-kind as a dollar bill. There isn’t any real you in you,” she says."
Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters.
I’m not sure if you know how thankful I am for your patience but you should because I am. Really. From day one you have been the most patient person in this universe. You talked to me as if I were an adult, as if I were an intelligent individual with a beautiful mind. You asked me questions to get to know the real me. The me that I hide from everyone else. You told me stories about your life, you shared everything with me. You made me laugh during the most disheartening, stressful moments. You taught me that it’s okay to be fragile sometimes. You waited for my trust, and you waited ever so patiently for my love. You are so persistent, so kind and so loving incredible boy.
I am doing better. I see it and I feel it within me. I am. I just want to say thank-you. Thank-you for being there every second, every day. Even when you didn’t understand, you tried. Even if I was being excruciatingly difficult, you held on. You kissed me and loved me the same as you have done every day since we fell in love. It is your unwavering love that lets me know that what you feel for me is real and that the feelings I have for you in return are not feelings wasted. I opened up my entire heart for you and you are taking such good care of it.
So thank-you, I love you.
I mean sometimes I think that all I want is just to write something that will shake somebody. I want my words to make them sit upright in their chairs, reading my words over and over again just to make sure they’re real. I want my words to be truthful and important.
I want them to make a difference.
I look at you and I just, I don’t know how I got so lucky the first time around. This is the real deal, you and I. I will never forget the ways you’ve changed me, the way you’ve opened up my eyes.
I don’t know if I ever said thank you. Thank you for starting everything for us. Thank you for being in the right place at the right time, thank you for keeping the conversations going for hours. Thank you for the talks that had depth and real meaning. Thank you for being so patient with me. Thank you for taking the time to get to know my little sister. Thank you for the endless laughs, endless kisses, endless hugs. Thank you for stimulating my mind, body and soul. Thank you for being silly with me. Thank you for baking with me. Thank you for being this amazing creature that never gives up and believes in me when I can’t even believe in myself; when I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, you show me the way. Thank you for supporting everything I am. Thank you for standing by me even when it was hard. Thank you for loving me with all you have left. Thank you for always making me feel like your priority. Thank you for fighting for me and thank you for not giving up.
And that, my love, is only the half of it.
Some people, they need proof. Tangible proof that your feelings for them are real. But really, how do you prove love with something materialistic? Flowers don’t mean love, an expensive meal doesn’t mean love, a house or a bed for two doesn’t mean love. A 30,000 dollar diamond ring doesn’t mean love either. Some people, they need materialistic things as proof for love. But me, I just need you.
You were her first love. Her first real love. Isn’t that an amazing feeling? Knowing that she gave you her everything, her all just because she had no idea what it was like to fall?
You make me feel good. Not in a sexual kind of way.. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s that too, but no, I mean, you make me feel good in a way that’s hard to put into words. I just.. I look at you and this feeling washes over me. I don’t know what it is, exactly but there’s calm, love, hope and peace. You’re more than I ever dreamed you could be and if for some reason, things don’t work out the way we hope, or the way we plan, I want you to know you will always be my first real love. My number one. And no one will ever take your place.
I wish everyone would stop telling everyone else what love is. Nobody knows. Love is unexplainable, it is indefinable and most importantly, it is different for everyone. Love can be anything you want it to be. You could let it be nothing or you could let it be everything. Don’t let anyone tell you that what you’re feeling isn’t love. How would they know? You can fall in love with someone after a second glance, after five minutes, after five days, five weeks, five years. In every situation it is different and that doesn’t make it any less real.
Tonight was different from the others. You know people write about the night that changed everything? The night they knew they were actually in love? For me, tonight was that night. I mean, I always knew it but tonight I felt it more then I’d ever felt it in the whole time I’ve known you. Tonight, I just couldn’t stop looking at you and doing that brought tears to my eyes.. how could you be so real? Tonight, I just couldn’t let you go. You are an incredible person and I see the world in you, I think the world of you.
I have so many things I want to say to you that I don’t even know where to begin. I want to tell you that you’re beautiful — inside and out. I want to tell you how much better I feel when you notice that I’m crying and instead of forcing me to tell you what’s wrong, you wipe them away, only squeezing me tighter and closer to you as you do. I want to tell you that I need you, always. I want to tell you that I never even saw myself as being a ‘long-term relationship’ kind of girl, and that you changed that for me. I want to tell you that you have changed me, for the better. I want to tell you that I appreciate how much you believe in me and in the things I do. I want to tell you that I will never, ever forget those moments. I want to tell you that with every time we see each other, I only love you more. I want to tell you how grateful I am that you found me; that you never gave up. I want to tell you how absolutely happy you make me. I want to tell you that I needed someone to get all the way in, to see me as me, bare and real; that I’m glad it was you. I want to tell you that I am ever so grateful for every moment we spend together. I want to tell you that I’m sorry if I am ever not as patient or understanding as you have been with me. I want to tell you that when I look into your eyes and see your unwavering gaze back, I can’t help but let that smile that’s forcing it’s way through, out. I want to tell you that I am thankful for all the new things I am seeing and experiencing with you. And finally I want to tell you just how much I love you, how much you mean to me but.. I guess I just did.
One day, somewhere, some time, I’m going to take a photo. I want that photo to capture the sparks, the electricity, the feelings in my eyes when I look at you. I want that photo show the way my whole face lights up whenever I’m around you. I want that photo to show that smile, the one that’s reserved especially for you. I want that photo to show love, real love; our love. I want the photo to be bare and real and true and I want it to affect somebody. I want it to change the way they look at love, at the world.
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